I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize