so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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