he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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