M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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