you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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