Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
