i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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