He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
