I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
