She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
