Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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