I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You pole danced in your parka.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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