Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
