I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
