oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
