haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
