genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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