Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
