Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
