So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
