people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
