WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
