I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
