A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
