So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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