Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
