There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
