Umm I'm too high to move.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
