I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
