Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
