That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
