you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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