I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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