Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
