I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
