Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
