Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
