I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
