My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
