My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
