Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
