the condom got lost in my hair
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
