The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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