I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
