Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
