She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
