i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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