my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
