I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
