also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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